Battleships
by pippychick
Summary: Summarise. Ok. It's Jack/Ianto. Read the title - it does exactly what it says on the tin. It's got more innuendo than every eighties flake advert you can remember... and then some. It's a companion fic to the Jack's List series of stories. Just look...


**Disclaimer:** Jack and Ianto don't belong to me, and I have never been near either of them with a tape measure. They belong to Russell T Davies, the BBC, their wonderful writers, and to John Barrowman and Gareth David-Lloyd for playing them so brilliantly well. I make no money from this. Please don't sue me, boys, it'll make me kind of miserable and then comedy will be my only outlet... oh, wait… damn…

**Author's Notes:**

With reference to the above, please don't take this at all seriously. Comedy is my only outlet. Seriously. g 

This is much better thanks to the brilliant editing/beta reading of Tigerdust, who writes some fabulous fiction which you should really check out.

This is what happens when someone challenges me to write Janto without smut. Lots and lots of innuendo. sighs Plus, I also end up with lots of things I can't use anywhere. I kind of fell into a writing trance and wrote a smutty ending to this. I got to two thousand words of the role reversal that the winner requested before I realised… damn it sighs again

This is a companion story to Jack's List 4: Office Galaxy. If you're reading this first, don't worry –you're in the right place.

I hope you enjoy it.

**Battleships**

It was a battle of wills. They stared at each other across the desk. Neither of them blinked. Jack narrowed his eyes slightly, and Ianto drew in a breath.

"A-three," Ianto said in that beautiful Welsh accent and Jack didn't even glance down, though he knew what it meant. He kept his gaze locked with Ianto, carefully neutral as the whining drone of an approaching missile sounded. There was a rumble, and the little red light drew Jack's gaze away at last. The main lights in the Hub were powered down, which made his office an intimate place to be. The stakes were high, and he really wanted to win. He seethed while he pretended not to notice Ianto taking one of the red pegs from the tray.

"Hit," Jack said, though it was unnecessary, putting as much violence into the word as possible. He took a red peg, and put it into his last three-ship. His own side of the board was littered with white. Not a single hit amongst them, and yet _his_ fleet was almost destroyed. All he had left was the little two-ship. Where was Ianto hiding all of his? "It's not fair," he muttered quietly.

He searched around for what he was doing wrong, then he smiled suggestively. There could only be one reason Ianto was winning. "Mine must be bigger than yours," he said in certainty with a nod, and Ianto just stared back at him.

"They're the same size, Sir," he replied in a very even monotone, and Jack raised his eyebrows.

"Oh, yeah?" he challenged. Ianto didn't even hesitate.

"Yep." He wanted Ianto to be insulted, but unfortunately he seemed to be confident instead.

"We have to prove that," Jack said at last, looking forward to it. Somewhere, he knew they had a tape measure. "I'll definitely find out." He took a drink of the whiskey Ianto had got for him when they began the game.

"Good. You'll have to play with it then, won't you?" Ianto said calmly. Jack just managed to swallow the whiskey, after a rather undignified battle between his stomach and his nose. When he looked, Ianto dropped his eyes to the board meaningfully. Ha! Jack grinned. 

"B-seven," he said. They stared at each other as the electronic whining sound escalated, then there was a rather disappointing bleep. He was positive that was a hint of a mocking smile on Ianto's lips.

"Miss," Ianto said, definitely with relish. Yeah, right. Jack sighed and got another white peg. He had so wanted it too.

"Damn!" he muttered, and took far longer than necessary to look across the desk again. Their eyes met.

"J-eight," Ianto said. J for Jack, and… well, that was a rather unfortunate coincidence.

"Hit," he said, pouting, when the rumbling had finally died away. Now Ianto only had to get the other half of the two ship, and the game would be over. He waited for Ianto to look back at him with rather less patience than Ianto had shown. "I-seven," he challenged, determined that it had to be this time. Eventually, there was a beep.

"Miss." Oh, he was definitely enjoying it. Jack glared across the desk, but not too seriously. Actually, he was quite amused to find himself looking at I and J next to each other on the board.

"Stop calling me that," he demanded, and Ianto looked faintly surprised.

"Sir?" he asked in some slight confusion. Jack smirked.

"Miss," he said by way of explanation. Ianto really did smile then. 

"You just wanted the chance to say it to me, didn't you?" Ianto asked. Jack didn't answer. "I am prepared to accept your unconditional surrender." Jack huffed, and Ianto shook his head. "You're only making it harder on yourself," he warned, "we could have done it together. J-nine." Another unfortunate coincidence.

"Miss," he said after the empty beep, then decided to prove a point. "I-nine."

Ianto just carried on with the game as if the point wasn't there to be made. "Miss. J-seven."

Ha! At least that wasn't one. "Miss," Jack said with much more satisfaction than a game of Computer Battleships should really supply. He considered his next move carefully. From the way things were going, there was really only one spot he could try. He might be conceding something, but at least it would be a hit. He had to get at least one before the game was over. "I-eight."

He was expecting it so surely that for a moment Jack didn't understand what the beep meant. Ianto reminded him. "Miss." Ianto smirked at Jack across the desk. "You're really not very good at this, are you, Sir?" Jack sniffed as he got a white peg. He was going to lose, but he would play to the very end regardless. There would be no surrender. He looked up, and saw victory in Ianto's eyes already. "I-eight," Ianto said, and Jack shook his head.

"Hit." He stopped the computer before it could play out Ianto's triumph, and stole a look across the desk. The rules of engagement had been very clear when they began. "What do you want?" Ianto leaned back in the chair thoughtfully, interlacing his fingers over his midriff, elbows resting on the arms of the chair. Jack got up.

"Oh, just a latte, I think," he replied, blue eyes twinkling. Ianto looked up as Jack paused by the side of the chair, letting his head fall back a little. It was all very cute – Jack was _really_ sorry he hadn't won. "Unless you want a challenge?"

"I think you give me enough challenges," Jack pointed out, wondering if he could even fulfill the request. He looked down at Ianto and enjoyed the view for a second. Very challenging, but very fun. "Don't ever stop," he advised then with a ghost of a smile, just in case Ianto had gotten the impression he didn't enjoy every single second of it.

**Author's Note: **Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Comments/constructive criticism welcome.


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